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[Spikey00]

I have spent so far a few hours working on perhaps, a novel of which I hopefully will turn out to be worthy enough to explore further on into literature works. Afterward, perhaps I will seek how does one find a publisher or something (IF it turns out to be good at all).

The aim is for a multi-structured science-fiction story that contains a variety of prospective from multiple characters--much alike the series of "Saga of the Seven Suns" by Kevin J. Anderson (I really fancied those novels).

Please understand that this is the first novel work from myself, and I have a few issues with writing (deficiencies perhaps) character dialogs and such. If there are any significant issues with my current progress, PLEASE teach me the proper ways by either a) your own knowledge, or B) resources (extra resources would be very helpful in improving my skills and knowledge)!


Thanks for taking your time!
PS. Names will probably be changed, as the current character's name is pretty cheesy.


<untitled>

Copyright 2009 by Josh “Spikey00” Y.

Humankind has succeeded in what many older generations believed was not possible—develop and inhabit outer reaches of our harsh Solar System. A mere whiff of air for humanity, as a process of negotiation occurs between Alien worlds to form both the Human-Aldirans Alliance and to the Space Security Council. Unfortunately, after a decade of peace and prosperity, a cry of assistance across the borders of sovereignty arises—planets silence and control begins to slip away from federal powers, and splinter factions kindled by the rages and outcries for aid from Border Worlds—even with backing of the amiable Aldirans, riots and violence ensue. Tensions twist and turn the rusted relationships, spawning hundreds of splinter factions; even a few extremists from Aldirans form their own coalitions with their human criminal counterparts. The cauldron has spilt and irrevocable challenges await both empires: the intergalactic war has begun.

(Chapter 1)

Civilian “George Summer Winters”

Empty space engulfed him as it did yesterday and everyday—the usual twinkling background alit with planets and other debris shone through his Infirso Fighter: he was in the middle of space, with tons of alien ships pursuing him—gaining on him. He was a feared bounty hunter, seeking for rich rewards in return for neutralizing threats of a corporation, flying through systems without question. An expert pilot, he flew his ship in pursuant of a rebel ship until glistening purple marble ships smashed through the clouds, seemingly protecting the fleeing target. He knew what was his only option—dodge sizable asteroids, evade missiles and lasers; afterwards, return the unwelcome fire with his own. Unfortunately, this would offer him no time to satisfy his original assignment. Green beams emitted past him as he brought upon the strafing and turning motion of the spacecraft and tailgated a foolish extraterrestrial pilot. “I have you now,” The eruption of his steady stream of phaser particle beams ripped through the dark matter of space and collided with the enemy, though the ship remained steadfast. “What? Those were direct hits!” He could not believe this turn of events—headquarters claimed these were primitive life forms, yet their ships possessed an incredible shield of some sort. George reached for the transmission button on his command panel whilst steering way from additional hostiles and allowed his crew to speak (rather yell) for him. “Command, they have us completely surrounded, we are preparing the cruise engine for immediate escape to Omicron-4!” The hull was rumbling at the collision of the plasma weaponry shot by the alien vessels. Before the cruise engine could power up completely to jump to safety, the light fighter could not take any more punishment, and his prized possession exploded into splices and pieces of splinted metal, swirling deeper and deeper into space but with undiscovered tranquility.

Astonished by the difficulty of the mission, George let out an outcry of distaste, “They are not supposed to be invincible ships, Drax!” Whirling around from cleaning his muddled room, the companion robot replied, “According to game variables… it was acceptable for a lapse of difficulty to occur;” George turned away from the virtual gaming system to face his short, metallic robot. Humming, the robot spoke again with a metallic overtone, “You were sufficient in acquiring your target, but you failed to terminate after being—”An angry voice tore over Drax’s mechanical enunciation, “Come on! You should have seen me—I should have crippled at least one of those ships.” Crossing his arms, he sat there, looking at his small spherical robot. Drax, pulling and ordering a selection of tasteful books and magazines from a shelf in his multi-purposed entertainment room, offered comfort to the boy though dropped one mistakenly to the rugged floor. “Yes, the ships were all curtained with a shield,” Ignoring roll of the eyes, Drax extended his appendage to grasp and put it with the rest of the assortments. “Should you not be studying instead, George? Mister and Misses Winters both expressed concern at the daily intercom from Synthetic Foods for your intellectual studies, and I am responsible for you.” Frowning, the young boy yielded with a grumbling expression. “Since when did they care? Yeah, I know what you will say, ‘Mm-, your parents are really busy with their stupid work, but I am sure they still love you.’ Fine.” He picked himself up from the recliner and switched the hologram into study mode. The room projected itself into a paradise: gleaming sunshine rained down upon a sandy beach lighting the smooth ocean waves, surrounded by lush palm trees. The waves greeted the land with subtle whooshing, and exotic birds chirped in the distant jungle with green vegetation dancing gleefully across the skies. George remained agitated, as he decided upon the subject of intergalactic commerce.

[Gov]

Its good to see you try writing something. However there are a couple of issues.

Im pretty sure you are supposed to start new lines with dialogue. EX-


"How are you doing?" asked Jim.

"Not bad, Jim." replied Tom.


---

From that little bit of writing, I dont really learn much about the characters as it was all a little simulation. But the little synopsis seems abit cliched in my opinion. Also the name "Aldiran" is very close to the important planet in starwars called "Alderaan". It does look like you took heay influence from starwars on this story and thats probley why it seems cliched. If I were you I would read up on future practical science for your story and create a more complicated plot then your generic glatic aliens vs. human war thing. No offense its been done, over and over.

But again this is just my opinion, and it is youre story.



BTW do you have some type of outline or plan for youre story? If no, work on that first. Decide were you want youre story to go first and all major plot events before you start writing you actual story. That is the most important part as it is easier to set the pace of the story so it wont be to much action in one part and terribly dry in others. But if you do have that I wouldnt mind going over it.

[Spikey00]

I will soon study on how others write novels and such, so hopefully I will have that addressed with character dialog.

rofl, unfortunately I have a lot of influence from another series of science fiction books--nah, I wasn't entirely planning on a whole alien versus humans, and I am sure I will have more to come; understandably, it is more or less cliche I know. >: )

I was planning on an outline for my story, but I was exploring slightly with the introduction--I am considering on starting a few of the characters and seeing what options are there.


I will see if I may have my outline done in time. I appreciate your comments, Alex--it does help. : D

Now go and play something in the arcade and waste valuable time whilst you could be playing something else!

[Gov]

I have always liked the science fiction genre but it seems to dilluted with the same generic plot, I dont understand since there is so much more to write about. For example any one of these could be a good idea to write about: nanobots, stem cell research, globalization and corporate takeover, alien viruses, robots/androids, AI, black holes,mechanization (loss of human bodies to mechanics), space exploration, aliens (if you must, I would stay away from anything to civilized), etc, etc... When dealing with science fiction you can have a wide variety of topics. I think to write good sci-fi is to keep things familiar though. If your story is to outlandish and crazy it wont be good. Think of problems we have now and add in advance technology.

For example in starwars its the empire versus the rebels. However the way the empire came to be and its whole structure is based heavily off of the rise of the Caesers in roman history. I dont know if you know what im trying to say here, but if you have that alien versus human thing going on its hard to adjust since we never have had expirence with aliens or anybody with better tech. But if you do go with civilized aliens you can treat them like how we treat minorities now. It would have a familiar feel and more easily immersive.

Just my opinion. I think of myself as a big movie buff and im sick and tired of all these bad generic sci-fi. Oh for your settings you should try to think out of the box alittle. Most sci-fi is written with cyberpunk themes in mind.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyber_punk

Its not bad but seldom done well. It has many off shoots.

My favorite type of theme however is pretty much a dystopian steampunk setting.

Games like bioshock used this theme. Its romantic and dark at the same type, definetly unique, but hard to do and harder to incorporate into a story.

There is also one more important one, but I forget what its called. I believe it is called Gaia punk which is basically heavy technologie mixed with nature. Everything is a bit more natural and you would think that it would make your setting boring but nature and technologie make a very alien mix. Best I can think of is in the movie "Aeon flux" the scene where they run across the grassy lawn of the fortress. Eh ill just show you a video. Sort of like this maybe a bit more nature though:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtTDmAFNr-0


I thought of some refrence movies fo you.

Alien- I like how the alien isnt some super high tech thing, but a parasite, a monster and yet human greed is still after it. Great movie. Classic also. The new movies dealing with the aliens are a shame to the original concept. If you can watch older movies (some people are very picky) then it will be a treat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eIpvZsEky4

Pitch black- pretty much the same as above, even though they added the rid[CENSORED] super powered thing later in the series. Best watched in standalone formate away from, "The chronicles of rid[CENSORED]". Great movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSWXlm9I05o (the trailer is crap but the movie is good)

Aeon flux- Good with the gaia punk which is a generally overlooked theme. Ok movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ivqm96rXf7w

Matrix 1- I like the ideas on what reality is. Ok movie.

Event Horizen- Touchs on what science cant tell and what horrors it can bring to those who are ambitious. I like this movie as it is abit unexpected. Its a horror but you should check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gd0nQUF00Sg

Im sure there are more I cant remeber but these will do for just a general idea.



---


I know this post is a mess but think of it as just notes for you. Im just trying to help you make something good, I know its your first time writing and I think its good to make stories. You dont have to take my word on anything just trying to help. Might have more stuff for you later If I can think of anything else. Anyways goodluck.

[Spikey00]

I will keep in mind all the information you have posted--I will probably post back here after I make additional progress.

Thanks a lot again, Alex. >: D


͡҉҉ ̵̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̿̿ ҉҉̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙ ҉҉̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐

[Spikey00]

Some revisions (character name changed as well, major names need be punctual, hm), along with a bit of additional work. Structure of writing also modified, though I still have no clue upon the proper methods of organization... Oh, and dialog is supposed to be mingled with the sentences--unless you mean otherwise. eg.:

"Today I speak to you of a great victory for human ingenuity and drive." King Frederick's amplified words boomed from speakers all across the plaza. He had the rich baritone voice of a deity, deep and resonating. "In the Oncier system, we have caused the birth of a new star, which will shine its life-giving warmth and light upon four pristine worlds for the settling of humankind."

Without delay, here is what I have done so far today... I believe I need to vary my sentences albeit slightly more--rofl, I notice I use the hyphen transition far more than what other writers use. Seems really natural, though, for me.





He picked himself up from the recliner and switched the hologram into study mode. The room projected itself into a paradise: gleaming sunshine rained down upon a sandy beach lighting the smooth ocean waves, surrounded by lush palm trees. The waves greeted the land with subtle whooshing, and exotic birds chirped in the distant jungle with green vegetation dancing gleefully across the skies. A menu projected itself miraculously in the air, and a grandiose voice of a calming female voice echoed throughout the rapturous room. “Please decide upon a subject using the projected touch-screen.”

Byron remained agitated, as he decided upon the subject of intergalactic commerce—he possessed a natural interest with how humans functioned in harmony with the endless possibilities of space.

Dialog and accompanying images floated in front of him, the ballad of words danced around, unlike the gentle robot, which faded out of the environment at the comfort of knowing Byron was finally receiving his education—Byron scowled out of the corner of his eyes.

“Earth was a symbolic spacemark for humanity—alike the Sun to our universe, Earth is the epicentre of human unity and prosperity. From the initial exploitation spawned forth-limitless prosperity that the likes of medieval conquerors never achieved. What prevented Earth in previous generations were the laws of conservation: it is not possible to attain matter without a foreign source, and never is energy destroyed or created. Our system was dependent upon these laws, of which resulted in little to no possible growth for subsidiaries to the planet.”

“Breaking the equilibrium of materials and energy, Earth steadily and exponentially gained; those who began resource mining and gathering became millionaires. The palm of humanity was reaching from the ground to space, and similarly during the incident of World War II (1939-1945) demand and supply reached a critical mass: space commerce emerged as the most popular occupation.”

A qualitative graph representing the many social classes appeared, siphoning the underlying beach to focus the attention to the window; the individual pixels possessed varying densities, with some floating to the top though most sunk—all animated until they all organized themselves into a clear clairvoyance. George was fixated and studied the pyramid—unexpectedly; the tip of the triangle, filled with red pixels of impoverished citizens, represented less than 1% of the 12 billion-world population. The bottom was happily waving about like the ocean on the coastline: nearly 30% of the base was full of successful millionaires.

The soothing voice continued to lecture the now tranquil boy.

<FATHER UNEXPECTEDLY ARRIVES ON BYRON’S LECTURE AND OFFERS HIM AN ESCAPE WITH HIM TO SYNTH FOODS, ON THE TRIP BYRON DISCOVERS TECHNOLOGY UP CLOSE: TRADE LANES/JUMP GATE, THE TYPES OF SHIPS EG. FREIGHTER. ACCOMPANY THE FREIGHTER WITH POLICE ESCORT SHIPS/ETC.?

ETC. ETC. THE PLEASURES OF INITIAL SPACE EXPERIENCE.>

[Spikey00]

Oh, BTW, with the comment at the end I plan on having the father offer his proposition, then with Byron accepting it and then a new chapter/character will be introduced.

[Gov]

Its seems to be coming along. That was much more interesting then your first sample. Im surprised you actually used earth instead of some made up planet. Thats adds a bit of familiarity, and its also interesting to see what earth has become. Full of greedy millionaires. Much more sophisticated.

Anyways im interested to see what the conflict will be. Now that you have established your base and theme to follow you can throw in abunch of problems to mess with it.

[Spikey00]

Mmm, excellent. >: )

[Spikey00]

I am at this current moment paused for progress--a slight break and brainstorming for what I am planning to do:

1) Introduce Aldirans (probably will with a human hear the news that aliens have arrived, then change to an Aldiran chapter and miraculously they will be able to speak english rofl). This will likely change the lecture of human prosperity etc. indicated so far--perhaps humankind's resource was mainly the moon at this point.

1i) Develop a relationship. A lot needs to happen and to be explained to the reader about the ideologies and nature of an Aldiran, and then the humans, how they react, etc. what happens next.

2) Introduce trade gates and jump gates, perhaps. Then jump back to Byron.

[Gov]

Well just some info, the moon has huge amounts of helium-3 which is extremely rare on earth. Helium-3 is an enviromentally safe resource needed for nuclear fusion (not to be confused with fission). This could be a major resource for earth giving it resources to do anything in space. Also could be a point of conflict.

For your aliens speaking english that is a strange problem. Maybe some type of real time transmission. Seeing as they are aliens advanced enough to find earth they might be able to connect wirelesslyto our internet. They could then have software translate our languages for them and vise versa. I dunno.

Also dont forget aliens will have no immune systems naturally to anything on earth and they could carry germs that the earth isnt immune to naturally also. Scientifically speaking of course.

[Spikey00]

Ah, that would be a detail to add. My progress at this moment is creating a general summary of what occurs over the coarse of the story. Most of it is already done, so perhaps a day more will be enough to post it here.

Thanks for your feedback!

[Gov]

Just watched another great Sci-Fi movie. This one was really good. It is called "Sunshine" and it shows some of the dangers of deep space flight and the problems. But it also has a great twist and uses great ideas that a scientifically possible if not alittle bit crazy. I would check it, the ending was great but I dont want to ruin it for you.

Heres the trailer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ2-xR54UDU&feature=channel


I know the idea of re-igniting the sun is stupid but thats the simple term for what they are going to do so stupid movie goers would understand the basic plot. The only problem with the movie though is they constantly walk around in the ship normally. In reality you cannot have gravity on a space craft unless its spinning. Keep that in mind.

Sorta like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYIo-0qo9FA

[Spikey00]

rofl, though the basic reader would probably not know of space technology (not saying it wouldn't be nice to be realistic), it could be avoided by giving generalized ideas. However, I will employ possible technologies along with the generalizations.

I should really start getting to work on completing the plot... =/

[Gov]

But now when you see anything about space with a spinny ring like complex you will know why.

[Spikey00]

Fine, I will just post what I have for now. It is unfinished plot. et.geppfl

<PLOT>

The jump gate at the Aldiran home planet leads to a system where the savage Heiran, the primary species related to the Aldirans, are losing a battle to a joint coalition from the accumulated enemies they have made for being an overly-aggressive empire. The objective unbeknownst to them is to befriend and betray encountered life forms when a returning armada from the Heiran systems arrives—entrusting them to accept their ultimate purpose to assist the master genus in conquering universe after universe. In essence, the Aldirans are a polarized and subservient version of their masters, after completing their goal; this splinter faction will assimilate to the anarchy of the monarchy. A day will arrive where they have to decide their allegiance: humans, or Heiran.

The Aldirans are aware of the jump gate, but have never used it fearing of being split from their own people (they all have an inner connection to one another) and lack the curiosity to venture through the massive mechanical metallic gates that have remained dormant since their knowledge. However, after acknowledged of this artefact by Aldirans, the federal government launched an experimental fleet through the gates—activating it and forever leaving home. The fleet discovers in time of both the war, and the knowledge of the true motives of the Aldirans: their new mission is to alert humanity of the developing crisis, and to defend humanity against the sleeping threat. Unfortunately, their only option of returning to Earth is by cruise engine; the gate, deactivated and no known interface can reactivate the device. Cruise engines activated, the yearlong journey begins.

First contact with the boarder worlds reveals the prevailing conditions—a corrupting and neglectful government that has changed since the year the fleet was assigned on a mission they were not to return from. Seeing the same objective to restore the legitimacy of the government of the boarder worlds, they offer their ship designs and technology—though they remain in the shadows as to avoid the infuriated government, labelling all those who rebel as hostile “terrorists” that have crossed the boundary that must be punished under “fair” law. Once elite protectors of humanity, under the “Humanity Restoration Act”, many of the individuals from the Bounty Hunters guild become dead set at eliminating the enemies of the system for lush rewards. The Earth military however, mobilized against the dummy threat as expected by the newly formed “Liberty Sword” under headship of the returning fleet: Earth’s forces must be bolstered against real threats or humanity will never be able to stand a chance against the combined forces of Aldiran, Heiran, and Coalition. Avoiding unnecessary loss of life, “Liberty Sword” begins to target the three leaders of dictatorship; conversely, in the process of militarizing the nation, the leaders make critical mistakes in attacking innocent civilian ships outrage the earthbound population into a coup against the entire government. This war was dubbed the “Mock War”.

Liberty Sword appoints a new beginning for civilization, and refocuses the aim to augment the defences of Earth and her systems. Civilians unaware of the reasons behind the continued development of the military (to avoid system-wide panic), and rumours begin to arise, and tensions increase. Unfortunately, against the desires of Liberty Sword, Aldirans obtain the knowledge through leaked rumours, leading to a confrontation. A conference is organized, but before it is held, the first missionary vessel arrives at the doorstep of the Aldiran home planet. Time has run out, and the human navy already waiting at every planet and significant trade lane is expecting the inevitable battle, prepared to sacrifice everything to protect the freedoms and survivability of their people, even if it results in the destruction of another race.

However, a massive relief quenches the thirst of the worried inhabitants of both species despite the recent abuse on human behalf: Aldirans have made an irreversible decision of destroying the messenger ship after heeding the warning that returning armada is homecoming. Passing word to the humans, the bond between Aldiran and human strengthens tenfold, as evacuation of the beloved home planet of Aldiran commences, and humans around the galaxy volunteer to offer shelter and home to the Aldiran refugees. Abandoning their home, the glorious Aldiran ships glisten in the sunlight of the Milky Way bolstering the new Earth Defence Force with the Aldiran Solar Navy counterparts: decorated, but highly capable fleet of ships and sophisticated war machines join in a new coalition force in effort to defeat the impending attack. The gate becomes the center of attention, and demolition teams fail in a resolute effort to jettison the grand entrance.

Defences invented during the Mock War were already in manufacture, and human resources poured in to complete the development of warfare technologies. The war machine of humanity reawakened after years of peace and prosperity—however, unlike past wars, the human race stands unified. Approved defence platforms are positioned at the gate, as well at important trade lanes that cannot be afforded to be sacrificed.

<UNFINISHED SMALL PORTION>

[Gov]

You have some of your facts wrong here. The universe consists of everything that physically exists and would be impossible to conquer. There are many galaxys in the universe. There are infinite galaxys in the universe. There is from 300 to 400 billion stars in the milky way and each of those stars could have dozens of planets if not hundreds depending on the size of the star. The more you know.

[Spikey00]

Well, in generalized terms--but I will revise it when I begin to write once again (hopefully sooner)... =/